This Wasn't the Plan

This wasn’t the life I planned for myself.

I never pictured raising children alone. I imagined a home filled with partnership, laughter, balance, and the kind of love that lasts. I wanted freedom—especially financial—but also emotional peace.

And yet… this is where I am.

Some days, I feel like I’m doing it all and somehow still not doing enough.

I grew up watching two parents do their best—tired, stretched, but full of love. Now, I understand that kind of love in a way I never did before. It’s the kind of love that keeps you standing when sitting down would be easier.

I’m a full-time professional. A full-time parent. A full-time everything.

And some days, I just want to cry.

There are dishes in the sink. A to-do list longer than the hours in my day. A heart that’s tired of being strong. The kind of tired a nap won’t fix.

I just want to rest—to exhale without feeling guilty about it.

Rest has started to feel like a luxury.

Not because I don’t need it—but because the world makes it sound like rest is something you earn, not something you deserve.

But I’m learning to redefine that.

I’m learning that motherhood doesn’t mean martyrdom.

That leadership doesn’t mean self-sacrifice.

That loving others doesn’t have to come at the expense of loving myself.

Because truthfully, I’ve been doing this—alone—for a long time.

And I’m tired. But I’m also resilient.

I’m holding down work, home, growth, goals, and grace—all at once.

I’m walking through it with a mix of tears, prayer, and a stubborn kind of hope that refuses to die.

Even when the bills pile up.

Even when the car acts up.

Even when I look at my calendar and wonder, how am I going to get through this month?

Still—I show up.

And through it all, I still want love.

Not the fairytale kind, but the kind that feels safe, consistent, and kind.

The kind that appears to be a partnership. The kind that mirrors the love I give to others.

But I’m realizing the most important love I can give right now is to myself.

The giddy, grounded love you feel when you finally choose you.

That’s the love I want to model for my children.

Because they deserve to see their mother whole, not just holding it together.

So tonight, instead of pretending everything’s fine, I’m offering this prayer—honest, imperfect, human.

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✨ Smart & Sassy Note to Readers:

Sis, this might not be the plan—but it can still be the purpose. You don’t have to be perfect to be powerful.

The sass? You can hold it all and still lay it down. You’re not failing—you’re evolving.

👉 Drop a comment: how do you remind yourself to rest when life gets heavy?

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🙏🏾 Today's Prayer

God,

I’m doing the best I can.

And right now, it doesn’t feel like enough.

I’m tired.

I’m overwhelmed.

I’m trying to show up for everyone, and I’m afraid I’m disappearing in the process.

Please, hold me tonight.

Cover my children.

Stretch what I have, even when it feels like it’s not enough.

Remind me that I’m not crazy, lazy, or failing—I’m just carrying more than anyone should have to.

Please show me the parts of me that are still strong.

Please show me how to rest without guilt.

How to cry without shame.

How to keep going without burning myself to the ground.

And if You can—Please send help, show me...

The kind that loves like You do.

The kind that sees me and stays.

Amen.