Scared of My Own Power, But Walking Anyway

Self-doubt is loud.

But purpose?

Purpose roars.

For years, I shrank myself — not because I wasn’t capable, but because stepping into who I truly was felt… dangerous. Power comes with visibility, expectations, responsibility, pressure, and the risk of being misunderstood. Power means you can’t hide anymore.

And for Black women — especially those walking into leadership spaces — power has never been neutral. It disrupts, it challenges, it exposes, it elevates.

Recently, someone in leadership told me they could see me stepping into a higher role — a role that would place me at tables I used to doubt I belonged at.

At first, I froze.

Fear whispered:

More eyes… more pressure… more responsibility… more weight.

But God whispered back:

“You belong at every single one of those tables.”

And if I’m honest, I’m not scared of failing.

I’m scared of rising.

I’m scared of becoming the version of myself I’ve been avoiding.

I’m scared of the life I secretly want — because deep down, I know I could actually have it.

The deeper truth?

I’m not scared of power — I’m scared of the consequences of stepping into it.

Power means:

• No more shrinking

• No more hiding

• No more “I’m not ready yet.”

• No more dimming to make others comfortable

• No more pretending I’m small when I know I’m not

Power makes you visible.

It makes you accountable to destiny.

It requires you to admit — out loud — what you want.

And that is terrifying.

Not because I’m weak, but because the calling is ancient.

Ancestral.

Sacred.

Prophetic.

The leadership, the intuition, the land-based vision, the horses, the spiritual sensitivity, the ability to see systems and patterns — none of that is random. It’s inherited. My body feels the weight of gifts bigger than me. Gifts meant for legacy.

That kind of calling makes your hands shake. Your chest tightens. Your nervous system is in panic. Not because you can’t handle it — but because you’ve never seen anyone in your family rise this way.

You might be the first.

And that’s beautiful.

And terrifying.

Childhood taught me power = pressure.

Growing up gifted meant:

• Being misunderstood

• Being “strong” too early

• Being praised for performance, not softness

• Being responsible without support

• Being ridiculed for being different

So my inner child learned:

Power isolates.

Power drains.

Power exposes.

Power makes you the one everyone depends on.

No wonder stepping into leadership feels heavy. My body remembers a time when being powerful meant being unprotected.

But now? I’m learning a new truth:

Power doesn’t isolate me — it elevates me.

Power doesn’t drain me — alignment does the opposite.

Power doesn’t expose me — it frees me.

And the wildest part?

Stepping into my power means stepping into the life I truly want:

• Land

• Horses

• A ranch

• Community programs

• Youth leadership

• Travel

• Movement

• Confidence

• Healthy love

• A legacy my children can stand on

That life scares me because it means I can no longer hide behind survival mode. It means I have to show up as the woman I’ve always sensed was inside me.

The visionary.

The mother.

The scholar.

The leader.

The horsewoman.

The generational breaker.

The ancestor my grandchildren will quote.

Becoming her feels like losing the version of me who survived. But survival is not the goal anymore.

Wholeness is...

Not doing it alone… but doing it WITH support.

And maybe the biggest fear?

I’ve always had to figure things out myself.

Carry the load.

Solve the problem.

Be the one who “knows.”

Be the one who “handles it.”

So power feels lonely.

But this time?

I am not walking alone.

My children are part of this purpose.

My ancestors are part of this calling.

My healing is part of this rise.

My research and leadership are part of this legacy.

Even the land and horses whisper direction.

I’m not stepping into power alone. I’m stepping into lineage.

So yes — I’m scared. But I’m walking anyway.

God will cover me.

Cover my children.

Light our path.

Strengthen our steps.

And keep whispering: “You belong here. You were born for this.”

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✨ Smart & Sassy Note to Readers:

Sis, listen — you’re not scared of power. You’re scared because you’re finally ready for it. Stop shrinking to fit into places you’ve already outgrown. Your purpose has been calling you by your full government name — it’s time to answer.

👉 Tell me in the comments: What part of your power scares you the most?